Posts tagged ‘Jordin Tootoo’

November 26, 2008

Sidney Crosby is a Tool: SHR!’s View of the NHL

by Chelsea

With the Dallas Stars slumped in a 6-10-4 hole at the bottom of the league, we at SHR! felt it was time to stop being so introspective. We’ve picked, prodded, and yelled at everyone from the players to the owner, and now it’s time to move on (at least until the next game). Team bias aside, here’s how we feel about some other players across the league this season.

Note: All the links go to images, videos, and articles that we felt illustrated our feelings best. So please, don’t hesitate with the clicking. 

Sidney Crosby
First overall draft pick in 2005. Winner of the Art Ross Trophy, the Lester B. Pearson Award, and the Hart Memorial Trophy. 21 years old and captain of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Led his team to the Stanley Cup Finals last season, and failed (despite his best efforts) to grow any semblance of a beard through the entire run. Also, he’s a total tool. In a meeting with a pair of original Penguins season ticket holders, Crosby responded to the couple’s enthusiasm with monotonous ‘Oh’s and ‘Okay’s. A 9-year-old can do your spinny move, Crosby. It doesn’t make you special or make up for the absolute lack of personality. Your own team’s fans call you “Cindy” for a reason.

Evgeni Malkin
Basically a slightly older, Russian, less dynamic version of Crosby. Since we’ve already determined that Crosby’s a tool, that means Malkin is too. Pity. He’s first in the league for assists right now, but sitting under that kind of stifling shadow, he’ll always be at the bottom of our books (especially when it comes to Russian players). Should he ever escape Sid and the Pens, we’ll be on the lookout for the much-anticipated reveal of his personality. Until then, though, no thanks.   

Alexander Ovechkin
Now here’s a Russian player we can get behind. Sure, he’s got aesthetics of a Cro-Magnon, but behind all that scruff is a highly-skilled someone with a real love of the sport. Known for exuberant goal celebrations, a goofy grin, incredible scoring ability, and a seemingly never-ending list of quirks, Ovechkin is credited with bringing much-needed personality and talent into the NHL. He was first overall in his draft year (2004) and, thanks to the lockout, ended up debuting versus Sidney Crosby, effectively stealing the Calder Memorial Trophy with a stunning 52 goal/106 point season. Really though, we mostly love him because he makes us laugh just about every time he gets in front of a camera or near a reporter. 

Alexander Semin
The “other” Alex is generally overshadowed by Alex Ovechkin, but we found that there’s a lot to like about this guy aside from his partner-in-crime. We first picked him up on our radar when this interview came out with him calling Crosby “nothing special”. Now, them’s fighting words. While the rest of the league took offense, we sat back and had a good laugh. The best part? Semin was sharing the top spot in league points with Malkin up until his injury, with 27 points in 16 games. Crosby, meanwhile, still only has 25 points in 20 games. Like Ovechkin, though, his obvious talent isn’t the main draw to us at SHR. We love him because, despite being here for 2 full years (5 if you include up to his first as a Capital) and obviously understanding English, he still insists on doing interviews in Russian using a translator. Or because he’s always laughing at seemingly nothing. Or because he does things like this during games. He’s infectious.


Brooks Laich (and Mike Green)
While he might not be as good of a goal scorer as Ovechkin (12 points in 21 games), Laich claims to challenge him in the “ladies man” department. We may not necessarily agree with that, but we will agree that he’s a funny and well-spoken guy. Green is included because he shares the spotlight with Laich in some fun adventures with Caps Cribs. In the end, Laich won out because (okay, not ALL bias aside) he’s from Saskatchewan and so is Brenden Morrow, and he unsurprisingly reminds us a little bit of our beloved captain. 

Jason Arnott
An ex-Star, he proved to be a major pain in the derriere so far this season. Captaining the Nashville Predators, he got two goals and one assist in the only time he’s played us in 08-09. We lost that game 3-1. From our understanding, he was that kind of ache for Stars fans even when he was a Star, his antics making him more trouble than he was worth. Still, he’s earned his spot as captain for his new team, and we were openly alarmed the night he suffered a neck strain on a frightful collision that left him motionless on the ice for over five minutes. Glad he’s alright, and looking forward to despising him again come our match-up in December.

Jordan Tootoo
We respectfully dislike Arnott, because he’s got the potential to put us in some statistical pain. We just outright hate Tootoo, because he’s got the potential to put us in some unnecessarily excessive physical pain. His nicknames range from “Tutu” to “Toots” and they all remind us of how he likes to suckerpunch people with his gloves on. We think words like “vile,” “scum,” and “cowardly” describe him best. He’s been accused of biting people, running injured players, diving, faking innocence, and otherwise shaming the sport. We might be holding a grudge, but rightfully so. This man has no and has earned no respect. 

Henrik Lundqvist
Twin of Stars forward Joel Lundqvist, Henrik is the goaltender for the New York Rangers. While we may not care much for that team, Lundqvist stands alone as our favored Eastern goalie. He currently sports a .926 sv%, good for seventh best in the league, and a GAA (2.09) that’s good for fifth best. When his team needs a big player, he makes big saves, and when he can’t do that, he doesn’t throw a fit when he gets pulled from the game. He’s a class act with style that should make Sean Avery jealous, but… well, he doesn’t appear to take himself too seriously. 

Martin Brodeur
A good part of why we like Lundqvist is that he’s escaped the kind of snobbery that seems to drip off other Eastern goalies, particularly Brodeur. He could be the best netminder ever to set foot on ice, or the worst, and it wouldn’t matter to us with an attitude like that. When someone in the league does something he doesn’t like (see Avery, arm-waving), he gripes about it until the rules are changed in his favor. And when other goaltenders began exploiting equipment size rules, Brodeur stubbornly insisted on wearing the old, smaller sizes. Good for him, but then he turned around and complained that other goalies had an unfair advantage. Wait, what? His game wasn’t even suffering from this “injustice”, and he still forced another rule change about it. Its amazing that there’s still a goalie trapezoid, all things considered.

Patrick Kane (and Jonathon Toews)
Neither of them appear to have hit puberty yet, but they both do their best to carry the Blackhawks on their shoulders in an unfortunate Crosby-like trend. Since when are a pair of 20-year-olds responsible enough to lead a professional hockey team? 
Also like Sidney Crosby, Kane can’t grow a beard. He said here that he wasn’t going to shave, but we saw him in Dallas 10 days later and can attest to the fact that his facial hair was still MIA. When it comes to the ‘Hawks, we’d rather see more of the pranksters, Adam Burish and Patrick Sharp, and less of the pranked. 

Chris Chelios (and the Red Wings)
If schooling the Stars and the Penguins in last year’s playoffs wasn’t enough proof, the Red Wings walked off with the Stanley Cup and the respect of the entire league. Their skill level, style of play, and ability to win has brought us to this conclusion: the Wings are animatronic hockey players. A good example of this is Chris Chelios, who has been functioning in the NHL for longer than players like Crosby or Ovechkin have been alive. We reckon that he’s due for an oil change soon. We’re not sure where Detroit picked up such sophisticated technology (the same place they get their dead octopuses, maybe?), but we’ll bet that they’re powered with Energizer batteries. 

Braydon Coburn
Rolled out of bed, got misdirected by a hurricane, wandered through a prison, and finally made it to the Flyer’s headshot photoshoot. At least, that’s what it looks like. At 6’5” and 220 lbs, we still think Coburn is probably the least-scary giant hockey monster we’ve ever not actually met. We credit this commercial for giving us that opinion, as he brought a surprising amount of natural charisma to make for a very endearing thirty seconds. Hockey commercials are usually funny because of the awful acting. This one was funny for just the opposite. 

Ryan Malone
Joining Coburn in the ranks of people we like because of their hockey commercials is Ryan Malone. To be honest, we don’t care if he DID take more money and fled his hometown to stink it up with the Lightning. He’s got better stats than Steven Stamkos right now, anyway. Besides, after seeing this, we suspect he was sick of being the only person with an outgoing personality on his team. Is it possible that a losing Lightning still beats a winning Penguins when rated on fun and humor? We hope so. 


Saku Koivu (and Mikko Koivu
A pair of Finnish hockey brothers, separated by nine years and a thousand miles, the Koivus are as charming as they come. Saku has been with the Canadiens since they drafted him in 1993, while Mikko has been for Minnesota since they drafted him in 2001. With both of them currently captaining their respective teams, it’s pretty unlikely that they’ll ever play on the same side in an NHL match-up. Older brother Saku gets the upperhand for us because of his battle with cancer, and our respect for him having overcome it. 


Marc Savard
There were a lot of Bruins competing for this spot, including Milan Lucic and Zdeno Chara. Savard got it because of his antics in the game in which they played the Stars. Once again, bias aside, this was really our first impression of Bruins gameplay, and it left us with a bitter taste in our mouths. We fully understand how grating Avery must have been for him, but that gave Savard no excuse to push him into the fetal position and punch him in the head. We wouldn’t even wish that kind of circus on our rivals, which is why we hope the likes of Savard never becomes part of the Stars. 

Eric Staal (and Jordan and Marc and Jared)
Oh, the Staal brothers. Eric and Jordan already have hat tricks this season, and Marc… has only gotten four points in 24 games this season. That’s alright, though. Jared’s still stuck in the minors. We might not be fans of them as individuals per se, but as a group, they’re definitely fun to watch. Maybe we have a harder time loving them as individuals because it’s so hard to tell them apart when they aren’t wearing the colors of their respective teams. We’re even willing to excuse this little incident, because the mental image of hockey superstars wandering drunk on a highway harassing motorists is kind of funny. 


That’s all for our SCiaT: SVotN. Feel free to comment and add on to our conclusions, or remind us of heroes and villains that we may have left off the list.

October 23, 2008

Game Review – 10/22/08 (DAL at NJD)

by Chelsea


Nobody wants to read a six-page saga about how the Dallas Stars got royally stomped for the fourth time this season. We’re 2-4-1. We let in over 4 goals a game on average. We’ll give you two goals for every ten shots you get on us, folks.

Note that this is not hitting the panic button. This is all just the facts. We could still leave the first ten games at 5-4-1, best case scenario, and that wouldn’t be too bad.

So, since nobody needs a play-by-play on how we sailed right into a 5-0 loss, the quick version:

  1. Stars in New Jersey for the second of three road trip games, against the Devils.
  2. 1:59 into the first, ex-Star and Devils captain Jamie Langenbrunner scores on Marty Turco. Assists to Zach Parise and Travis Zajac.
  3. We all go “ooh, that happened Monday, we’ll be fine!”
  4. Despite less-than-stellar defense, Turco holds us at 1-0.
  5. Second period, at 9:05, John Madden gets a way-too easy shot in past Turco. Assists to Paul Martin and Jay Pandolfo.
  6. A minute later at 10:17, Madden scores again on Turco. Assists to Bryce Salvador and Brian Gionta.
  7. Turco gets pulled. Goes to the bench and looks like someone that needs a tub of ice cream and some time in the corner to talk himself through this.
  8. Tobias Stephan is put in and finishes the second with some great saves on some nasty shots and rebounds.
  9. Third period and we’re all like “oh this sucks, what is our defense doing besides standing there looking sad?”
  10. At 9:49 in the second, Zach Parise scores on Stephan. Assists to Andy Greene and Travis Zajac.
  11. At 10:42, Stephan gets partially screened and David Clarkson scores. Assists to Andy Greene and Pierre-Luc Letourneau-Leblond.
  12. We try kinda hard and get some good chances, but the Devils had good defense and the puck rarely reached Martin Brodeur, who claimed a shutout that I do not feel he particularly earned.
  13. Stars leave feeling incredibly bad, Tippett gripes about the goaltending, Modano feels slow, Turco is embarrassed, and Morrow wants to help Turco out by having better defense.
  • Instead of the usual notes, I’m going to flood you with opinions because I miss watching Stars games. These players are not our Stars, and I want them to return our Stars to us. I explain.
  • I think they’re just trying too hard. I think the Stars came into this season with too high of expectations on them, and they’re all trying to be everything to meet these expectations. Let’s not forget that we earned our spot on the near-top by each player working hard at whatever they’re best at. If we can get that through our struggling Stars’ heads, I bet we’ll be fine.
  • Also, it won’t hurt to get Lehtinen back in the lineup, which should be soon.
  • Another also: Martin Brodeur is overrated. If I had a hate-list, he would be sitting comfortably at the top, right next to Jordin Tootoo.
  • Conclusion: The Stars sucked as a team, but not necessarily as individuals. Tomorrow night’s game against the Islanders will show us one thing for sure – when at rock-bottom, do the Stars rally and win or play frantic and sloppy?
Official SHR +/-:
Stephane Robidas: two for leading in hits with six; +2
Matt Niskanen: two for being the only d-man that stood out as not playing badly; +2
Trevor Daley: minus-two for letting the Devils score on an undefended Stephan despite being right beside said Devil; -2
Brenden Morrow: one for acting like a d-man and blocking a few shots; +1
Krys Barch: one for looking silly and scary all at once in a confrontation with some Devils; +1
Sean Avery: two for the opportunity and shot on goal he earned, one for handling the confrontations from the Devils well, and minus-two for otherwise being too timid to do anything but make a lot of noise; +1
Toby Petersen: two for the diving save that kept away a nasty rebound; +2
James Neal: one for being there even when the rebound wasn’t; +1
Loui Eriksson: one for having two takeaways; +1
Jere Lehtinen: we need you! come back, please; +1
Mark Fistric: minus-two for thinking that standing around the general area of the goalie keeps pucks from going in and minus-one for each giveaway; -4
Tobias Stephan: minus-one for the goal he maybe could have stopped, minus-one for not protecting all his rebounds, and three for the ten much-needed saves he did make; +1
Marty Turco: minus-three for the poor goaltending and two for the saves he made; -1
Philippe Boucher: two for honestly trying; +2
BJ Crombeen: one for having one of the best almost-goals in the game, two for the fight, minus-one for the fight being stupid; +2
Sergei Zubov: we need you too! +1
Mike Ribeiro: one for playing better than we’d seen him play this season, one for the nice breakaway, and one for dominating faceoffs at 73%; +3
October 13, 2008

Mr. Monday: Trevor Daley

by Chelsea

So, this one time, at hockey practice, defenseman Trevor Daley accidentally stole my silver Sharpie.

This week, he’s topped our SHR +/- list with +13 on ice, +0 off ice.

Right now, Daley has managed to get two (beautiful) goals in as many games. Out of the five goals we have for our two games this season, two are his. He’s tied with top-line scorers Brenden Morrow and Mike Ribeiro for team points. He’s got the highest team S%, at 66.7%. He’s exited back-to-back losses at 0 +/-. He whipped up on Jordin Tootoo. He’s one of the few Stars that have actually been playing hockey in these last two games.

He’s been a Dallas Star since 2003-2004, after being drafted 2nd round by Dallas in 2002. He’s already almost half-way to a career high in goals, his current record being five in the 2007-2008 season.

Not to mention, he’s just a nice guy.

As a rookie, he had to deal with being referred to with a racial slur by his OHL coach, which was something he took gracefully, but not lightly. He’s had some verbal issues of his own, getting arrested in 2004 for uttering “death threats” to a bouncer at a Toronto nightclub.

I think it’s safe to say he’s matured considerably since then, joining in the background leadership of Steve Ott and Stephane Robidas – especially  when it comes to the team’s fresh defense. Run a search on Youtube, and you’ll find a number of videos showing Daley taking off after a player who’s hit one of his teammates, like this one from 2007. That year, he also had an active role in raising money for the Lewisville I.S.D Special Olympics Delegation.

Who needs helmets? Psh.

Who needs helmets? Psh.

If he continues scoring and acting like he has so far (granted, it’s only been 2 games), this season could absolutely be his best yet.

October 12, 2008

Game Review – 10/11/08 (DAL at NSH)

by Chelsea


I’ll start off by saying that I really do not like what I’m having to write tonight. The Stars disappointed. I was hoping to have good news, but not this time.

We took on the Nashville Predators in Tennessee tonight, with Morrow-Ribeiro-Petersen as our top line. I guess the coaches were feeling the same lack of chemistry that we were with Ott in that position. I just think we need Lehtinen back.

It only took the Predators 45 seconds to score, Shea Weber getting a goal off an assist from Jason Arnott and JP Dumont. It only took us 75 seconds to catch up, with Trevor Daley getting another nice slapshot through a maze of bodies. After that, though, Dallas took a handful of penalties, including a game misconduct that got Sean Avery removed for the rest of the game for fighting when another fight was already taken place. If ever there was a stupid penalty…

The Predators answered our answer at 10:54 on a power play, with Arnott camping out in front of Turco, prepared for the perfect opportunity. He got one, with help from teammates Dumont and Martin Erat.

Mark Fistric and BJ Crombeen both took penalties for slashing, but our PK did its job, and the first period ended at 2-1.

The second period was less eventful. Neither teams scored, though most of the play was in our defensive zone. Turnovers, giveaways, and bad passes ran wild. Stephane Robidas got himself two penalties for hooking and tripping, including a strange “double-hooking” with the Predator’s Jerred Smithson.

During the second intermission, Robidas got himself a certificate for the Silver Fox Steakhouse by doing an interview in which he explained not all the Stars were on board with the work ethic. Maybe not the nicest thing to say about your team, maybe he’s just expecting everyone to throw their hearts on the ice like he does, but I 100% agree.

Third period took an even bigger nose dive. Mike Ribeiro got dropped in the penalty box for slashing, and looked very grumpy about it. Ryan Suter spent some time for holding after he grabbed Brad Richards by the waist and then pushed him over. Not how you’re supposed to get possession of the puck, Suter. Then, with four minutes left to tie it up, Steve Ott made his second game-screwing mistake of the season by getting a hi-sticking penalty. He felt horribly about it. I know this because he gave the camera a very pathetic, “I hate myself” look right before he flung the towel over it.

Rightfully so, because it was on that PP that Jason Arnott grabbed his third and final goal. Assists came, again, from Dumont and Erat.

Turco left the net with a little under two minutes to go, but we still didn’t score. Heck, we still struggled to get possession.  Predators won, 3-1.


  • Dallas is now 0-1-1. Not so hot.
  • Game stars were (in order): Jason Arnott (NSH), JP Dumont (NSH), Dan Ellis (NSH)
  • The highlight of the game was Trevor Daley. He got the team’s only goal, worked hard defensively, and whipped up on Jordin Tootoo all night.
  • I can’t put all the blame on Marty Turco, but he still deserves some of it. The defense failed at keeping the puck away from the crease, but Turco failed at keeping it out. His Sv% for the two games is now .864, with a 3.90 GAA.
  • The Predator’s Arnott was celebrating his 34th birthday in style, with 2 goals and 1 assist.
  • Conclusion: Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.

Official SHR +/-:

Nicklas Grossman: two for helping Turco clear the crease and minus-one for otherwise sloppy defense; +1
Stephane Robidas: two for his shot-stopping dive in the second period and minus-one for hooking; +1
Trevor Daley: three for the goal, two for style, and two for each time he kicked Tootoo’s butt; +9
Mike Modano: one for actually taking shots at the goal; +1
Brenden Morrow: two for the assist, two for good gameplay, and minus-one for a bad turnover; +3
Sean Avery: minus-two for each set of stupid penalty minutes he earned; -6
Steve Ott: two for the assist, two for putting Tootoo in a headlock, one for going 3-0 on face-offs, minus-two for the stupid penalty, and one for the sad “towel, meet camera” moment in the box; +4
Marty Turco: three for some good saves, two for hitting Tootoo, two for throwing his goalie stick at Tootoo, and minus-one for every goal he could have stopped; +5
Joel Lundqvist: one for leading the team in hits; +1
Philippe Boucher: two for good hustle and defense; +2
Mike Ribeiro: minus-two for lack of impact; -2
Brad Richards: minus-two for lack of impact; -2

**First Off-Ice Points of 08-09***
Stephane Robidas: for his interview in the second intermission, saying that not all the Stars were on board with a strong work ethic (points earned for saying it, having the guts to say it, being right in saying it, and saying it so nicely that you barely notice he’s calling out his own teammates); +4